I must do well and be liked or I am no good.

So.

I had a stroke, lost a source of income, a house, a car, and a cat, and I’ve never been really popular so I don’t have visitors, well very few. So my self worth because it’s being measured by achievement and popularity is in the dumps. Calling myself no good has the following sub belief consequences:

 

I must have love and approval from everybody.
I need someone to love me.
I must not do anything that would cause others to think less of me.
I must be competent and successful.
I must have an important skill or talent.
I must successfully avoid unpleasant or undesirable situations.
Unpleasant and undesirable situations upset me.
I can’t control my emotions in difficult situations.
I must avoid dangerous or life-threatening situations.
If I do encounter such situations, I must worry about them to make them go away.
I must think, feel and act the same as I always have.
My past has such a strong influence on me that I cannot change.
I must find order, certainty, and predictability in life.
If I don’t find these things, I cannot feel comfortable or act competently.
I must depend on other people because I can’t depend on myself.
I must rely on superstition and religion especially in difficult times.
I must understand the secrets of the universe.
I cannot be happy unless I understand the nature and secrets of the universe.
I must rate myself as either “good” and “worthy,” or “bad” and “worthless.”
To be “good,” and “worthy,” I must be competent, successful and popular.
If I am not competent, successful or popular then I am “bad” and “worthless.”
I must never feel depressed, anxious or enraged.

 

Along with these self created vulnerabilities I have created the following emotional consequences with the beliefs:

 

Depression
Anxiety and/or panic
Self Downing

 

And I have created the following behavioral consequences:

 

Risk-avoidance
Shyness
Procrastination
Unassertiveness
Workaholism

 

So. That’s fucked up.

Ok then. Better dispute that belief.

 

Is there any evidence that I am no good, and deserve to be tossed on the human junk pile because I had a stroke and sustained physical losses of mobility income and shelter?

There is absolutely no evidence for that belief.

Do I feel that way about others who have suffered loss?

No. I feel compassion and caring, I wish to help.

 

After disputing what do I feel?

Concern about the future, and sad.

What self helping behaviours do I do?

Exercise, writing, working on websites to sell my work, talking to strangers, asking for what I want, practicing unconditional self acceptance, and unconditional other acceptance, and especially unconditional acceptance of the world and it’s random fuckeries.

REBT resources:

The Three Major Musts

REBT Self Help Form

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