So. In hospital recovering from a stroke, watching other people have family come and care for them. Where is my family? The fuckers never showed. Why do I feel so abandoned and let down?
I created this desolation and anger with my concepts. They should do the ‘right thing’ whatever I as the supreme ruler of the universe decide that is.
I became as a consequence:
Inflexible and unrealistic
I assumed my authority over others
I assumed a clear-cut difference between right and wrong
I assumed my ability to inerrantly differentiate between right and wrong
Placed myself at the center of the universe with others catering to my needs and wants
This lead to conflict with others who also see themselves as the center of the universe
Non-accepting of human fallibility
I became my own victim of the following sub beliefs:
Everybody should treat everyone else (especially me) in a fair and considerate manner.
If they act unfairly or inconsiderately, they are no good.
If they act unfairly or inconsiderately, they deserve to be punished.
Society or the universe must ensure that they get the punishment they deserve.
Other people must not act incompetently or unwisely.
If they act incompetently or unwisely, they are worthless idiots.
If they act incompetently or unwisely, they should be ashamed of themselves.
If they act incompetently or unwisely, they should expect none of the good things in life.
Talented people must use their talent.
Everyone must reach their potential.
People who don’t live up to their potential have little or no value as human beings.
Other people must not criticize me.
If they unjustly criticize me, they are no good and don’t deserve anything good to happen to them.
This resulted in the following emotional consequences
Anger, rage or fury
This also resulted in the following behavioral consequences
Aggression and violence
Bigotry and intolerance
It came as a surprise that when I was abandoned by a mentally ill mother (whose husband, a coal miner, died of lung cancer) essentially at birth, I have always felt this way and held these beliefs. My siblings are even worse, dealing with them is a mine field of resentment, you never know when it will blow up in your face.
This is the root to fascism, common to, and taught by, groups of all kinds. I learned it in church, seeking some order as a relief from the crazines at home. Authoritarian at best, fascism in the extreme. You can see it in the rise of Trump, Brexit, and other Hitlerian movements. Extreme religious movements have much in common as well and sometimes the not so extreme. Good Catholics all over the planet have shunned me and defriended me, in their Christian belief that I must behave the same as them.
So I continually search out the evidence for these beliefs and failing to find any, I find relief.
Here is my main tool: