‘ You are so smart’. This is from the narcissist du jour. Since all they value is approval, in order to get it, they give it. That’s the love bombing stage. ‘You are so smart’ is the one my sister gave.
I need money, toe nails clipped and similar squalid needs met (and ask directly for that), not to mention I am lonely, I could use some company was my response. This was after haveing a stroke and in hospital, half my body paralyzed. Umm I’m pretty busy….the undervalued and dump stages all in one.
I didn’t tell her how wonderful she is…..(her drug)….was the accusation ‘of not being supportive’ as she threw that and similar rocks going out the door, the typical case book ( “Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life” by Dr. Tara J. Palmatier, Paul Elam), narcissistic relationship. I mean they have nothing to give, and are pissed off at those who expose that truth by asking for what they want, a relationship deepening exercise.They leave and they make it your fault.
So once again Lucy pulls the football away from Charlie Brown. Or does she?
I have only exercised one option in how to look at this…..and devastation has been the consequence.
Ok not so self helping.
Very much self defeating.
How can I use my power of choice to be merely disappointed, even very disappointed, instead of gut shot devastation? Well, I could look at it differently.
As long as I expect a certain result, she should, I should, the world should…insert conditional acceptance here, I can expect pain.
Ok I’m 4 years old again, my Mom said my sister and my brothers should take care of me, when she off loaded her parental responsibilities for my care onto them. They hated the prospect of losing their play time to care for their youngest btother; they hated me. One brother hit me every time he saw me, and emotional abuse was constant.
To this day I have been saying that they should be a family and help me, despite the fact that this abuse continued to the point of restraining orders.
Why should they help me and be a loving supportive family?
There is no reason why they should. I’ll figure it out. I’ll talk to strangers and ask for what I want, accessing the help and resources I need when in medical care. I highly prefer to have emotional support, love and care, fom a kind loving nurturing family, but I don’t have to.
If it is to be it’s up to me. – Albert Ellis’s magic phrase. (www.rebtnetwork.org)
This is the way out of the no win situation, the damned if you do damned if you don’t, that was set up at birth. Narcissists love no win situations.
Ok, they are the way they are. So they should be that way.
In the meantime, my job is to figure out what good can come from this.
Peace. I choose peace.
That ain’t nothing.